À boa maneira portuguesa...

Alegada Circular Interna de uma multinacional Americana a operar em Portugal, no quadro de uma acção de sensibilizacao para a Responsabilidade Social das Empresas. Circular: It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate Headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our Policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues. In order to avoid such situations please note that all Staff is kindly requested to IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules: 1) Words like 'merda', 'caralho', 'foda-se', 'porra' or 'puta que o pariu' and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated thediscussion. 2) You will not say 'cagada' when someone makes a mistake, or 'granda merda ' if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or 'que grande cagada' when a major mistake has been made. All forms derivate from the verb 'cagar' are inappropriate in our environment. 3) No project manager, section head, or executive, under no circumstances, will be referred to as 'filho da puta' or 'cabrão'. 4) Lack of determination will not be referred to as 'falta de colhões' or 'coisa de maricas' and neither will persons who lack initiative as 'picha mole', 'corno', or 'mariconso'. 5) Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as 'punheta mental'. 6) Do not say esse 'cabrão enche a porra do juízo' if a person is persistent. When a task is heavy to achieve remember that you must not say 'é uma foda'. In a similar way, do not use 'esse gajo está fodido' if colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say 'que putedo' when matters become complicated. 7) When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say 'vai à merda'. Do not ever substitute "May help you" with 'que porra é que tu queres?' Whenthings get tough, an acceptable statement such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than 'isto está tudo fodido'. 8) No salary increase shall ever be referred to as 'aumento do caralho'. 9) Last but not least after reading this memo please do not say 'mete-o no cú'. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly. We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Thank you, The Board of Directors