SHIT HAPPENS

SHIT HAPPENS
in various world religions


TAOISM: Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".

ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)

JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people.

CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.

JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?

REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?

MYSTICISM: What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?

ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!

NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?

AZTEC: Cut out this shit!

QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM: No shit??

12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM: Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.

WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.

JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.

MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.

STOICISM: This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.

EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.

REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down.

FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.

CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.

EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.

DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.

RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.

CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.

MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.

Aqui está mais uma prova que os tipos são mesmo parecido... 

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Deixo-vos um pequeno utilitário para quem tem problemas com o patrão....

http://tsunami.clix.pt/pagina.php?id_tsunami=3179

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live show!

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Deviant Art!

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Olá! Eu sou a Xenia, a empregada do dia. Fui contratada para manter este blog apresentável e em ordem.

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À boa maneira portuguesa...

Alegada Circular Interna de uma multinacional Americana a operar em Portugal, no quadro de uma acção de sensibilizacao para a Responsabilidade Social das Empresas. Circular: It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate Headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our Policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues. In order to avoid such situations please note that all Staff is kindly requested to IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules: 1) Words like 'merda', 'caralho', 'foda-se', 'porra' or 'puta que o pariu' and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated thediscussion. 2) You will not say 'cagada' when someone makes a mistake, or 'granda merda ' if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or 'que grande cagada' when a major mistake has been made. All forms derivate from the verb 'cagar' are inappropriate in our environment. 3) No project manager, section head, or executive, under no circumstances, will be referred to as 'filho da puta' or 'cabrão'. 4) Lack of determination will not be referred to as 'falta de colhões' or 'coisa de maricas' and neither will persons who lack initiative as 'picha mole', 'corno', or 'mariconso'. 5) Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as 'punheta mental'. 6) Do not say esse 'cabrão enche a porra do juízo' if a person is persistent. When a task is heavy to achieve remember that you must not say 'é uma foda'. In a similar way, do not use 'esse gajo está fodido' if colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say 'que putedo' when matters become complicated. 7) When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say 'vai à merda'. Do not ever substitute "May help you" with 'que porra é que tu queres?' Whenthings get tough, an acceptable statement such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than 'isto está tudo fodido'. 8) No salary increase shall ever be referred to as 'aumento do caralho'. 9) Last but not least after reading this memo please do not say 'mete-o no cú'. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly. We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Thank you, The Board of Directors